we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
