Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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