There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
