used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
