dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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