Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
