Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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