you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
