Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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