My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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