god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
