Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
