I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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