First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
