My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize