You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
