Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
