my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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