just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
