a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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