I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
