His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
