so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
