Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
