You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
