Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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