i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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