I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
