sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize