just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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