My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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