Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
