And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
