not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
