We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
