oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
