Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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