peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
