Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
