We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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