do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
