I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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