So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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