dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
