Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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