Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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