I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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