I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
