i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
