Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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