When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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