help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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