mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
