I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
