Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
