I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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