he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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