im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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