loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
