He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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