Who wears a wallet chain?!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
