Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you had me at cake vodka
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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