somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
