She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
