wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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