I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
