glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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