who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you made out with another girl for some wings
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
