Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
