you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
